Approach - Trying not to make it weird

[vhvk77]

Hello!

I am writing to all of you from the states. My Godmother has had a terrible bout with Chron's Disease and she has been so sick and has lost a lot of weight over the past 4 or 5 months. After going back and forth with several doctors and specialists and fistula issues, it was finally decided that a colostomy was the way to go. Anyway, she just had the surgery last week and she is doing quite well. She will be coming home soon and I just want to get your opinions on how to be there for her in the best way that I can.

Were there any things that people did for you after your surgery that you found to be helpful? What about anything that was annoying? Any good gifts? What kind of foods are good to cook or buy for someone who is just starting out with a colostomy? What is a good approach to helping my godmother stay strong and keep her spirits up?

I have been reading up on the Internet trying to understand the exact procedure and the outcome and all of the scientific info is great, but what about on a human to human level...how can I support her without making it strange. I realize that I am probably the one who is more hung up on it because I don't understand everything fully, but I also know that she is delicate emotionally at this time because of all of the change. She has a fantastic husband and two loving and wonderful sons and a huge family that loves her very much, but I know this has got to be hard for her and I really want to find the best way to support her and thought that all of you may be able to tune me in and help me to develop an appropriate approach.

Any help you can give is SO appreciated and thank you for being so brave and sharing your stories and advice...

Thanks,

V V K

[Eliza]

For starters, you should be awarded "Granddaughter of the Year" honors for thinking so thoughtfully ahead for your Grandmother. The fact that you are approaching this with so much sensitivity will make it much easier for your Grandmother.

When I first came home after my colostomy surgery, I was pretty tired and sore. I had to be reminded to eat and to keep up with my fluids for the first few days. My friend made a few meals for my family and that was such a wonderful help. My mom did the laundry and changed the sheets on the bed every few days for me. Everyone encouraged to me to nap and take it easy, which helped me feel less guilty about sleeping all the time.

When I was feeling delicate emotionally, it helped to have my husband and family to talk with. Everyone reassured me that I didn't smell and that they couldn't see the bag. I was most worried about that. And as I got my strength back, it helped to have everyone treat me as they always had. It helped me to feel "normal" again.

I have a feeling that your Grandma will heal at lightning speed with you there to help her .

Eliza

[Kathy_from_England]

Hi and welcome VVK.
I agree with Eliza, it's wonderful that you are thinking of your Godmother's feelings and how to make her feel comfortable.

Have you read Jason's Lifestyle Guide?

www.ostomy.fsnet.co.uk/guide.html

(Main site):
www.ostomy.fsnet.co.uk/

I would advise you to be as normal as possible with her. Depending on the relationship you have with her, don't shy away from discussing it with her but don't make it your only topic either!

She may go through a grieving process (for the loss of a body part) and this is part of her healing.

Try and focus on the positive - that she should now begin to feel healthier - and no longer be running to the bathroom.

You can also post any questions on her behalf here (or encourage her to come herself) which should help if she has any problems.

Finally, don't forget the chatroom, which is open 24/7. You are welcome to join us, as is your Godmother.

www.ostomy.fsnet.co.uk/chat.html

Good luck and keep in touch!

[Jason_D]

Hello V.

The following page of the website deals with post op diet:
www.ostomy.fsnet.co.uk/diet.html

and this page has a list of foods and their effects on each different ostomy so you can see if any meals you have planned might cause her problems.
www.ostomy.fsnet.co.uk/foods.html

However, beacause a food is listed on that page it doesnt mean it definitely WILL cause the reported effect. It's all a personal thing really, every body is different.

I have often posted this on this board, but the best thing I found to make a patients life more enjoyable at home is to plan a holiday, or special day out that you can all go on. It gives the patient something to focus on, and to look forward to. A "target" if you like.

It's a bit difficult for me to say what she would find annoying, or not-annoying once she gets home as we are all different. I suppose all you can really do is take an interest in her care at home if she's willing for you to be, and just to let her know that whenever she wants to talk about it that you will be there for her to talk to.

I beleive someone has already pointed you to the lifestyle guide, it might be a good idea for you BOTH to read that. For your Godmum it will be proof that the ostomy wont stop her doing anything in her life, and any problems she may face whilst having it that she is not alone.

For yourself, it will be interesting and allow you to "relate" with any problems, or fears she may have - to some degree.

Good luck V! I wish all family members were as thoughtful as you are towards your Godmum!

Any more questions, you know where we are, and you are both welcome to the chat room - we have a meeting every saturday at 8pm UK time (3pm EST US) where you can meet/talk to lots of ostomists and family members from around the world. It's also open every day of the week 24/7 for general chat and support but is much quieter than a saturday (which isnt necessarily a bad thing when discussing support issues as you havent got 20 people barraging you with ideas and questions to try and help you lol)

Take care, and good luck to you both.

Buh bye now,


Jason D.
webmaster and colostomist.
www.ostomy.fsnet.co.uk

[keylargobill]

This may not be much help, but I am using bag liners, much easier than flushing bags !!. No one at hospital mentioned these liners. They are available from colomatic in Canada. web site www.colostomymajic.com

[vhvk77]

Thank you all very much for your speedy answers to my questions and suggestions. I admire all of your attitudes, but mostly I admire your courage. You have really taken an unfamiliar concept to most and made it comfortable and to be quite frank "liveable". I know that for most of you, surgery was necessary to live or live comfortably so thank you for doing such a great job with it! I'm sure I'll have more questions down the road...thanks again! Victoria

[Jason_D]

Your welcome, look forward to seeing you around.

Buh bye now,


Jason D.
webmaster and colostomist.
www.ostomy.fsnet.co.uk